Ilustración © Sergi Balfegó

And now you are going to enter into a very sweet dream,” said the anesthesiologist as she stroked my hand. And so it was, in a flash I started to lose consciousness, not before hearing all the conversations the nurses had as if I was not present. Once I got so angry because they talked about what they had to do me without worrying about my apprehension about it. On that occasion I gave a shout, asking them to please abstain from such comments about me.

And suddenly you return to open your eyes feeling half dizzy and dazed. You take off your pajamas, you get dressed and you go towards what it has been for you the torture room to drink the juice that the nurses offer you: pineapple, peach or apple. They are so considered because when you have a TEC you have to go fast.

I have never agreed to be given this type of therapy. I never wanted it, ever! But my psychiatrist and my father allied themselves so that it was against my will and repeated to me: “Either you go to the TEC or we hospitalize you… or you go to the TEC or we hospitalize you… or you go to the TEC or…” Ok! Ok, I’m goin… It’s clear that little grace made me brainstorm, but less than they hospitalize me. By that time I had already suffered about 4 admissions in the hospital and it was clear that I did not want more.

My psychiatrist had several pretexts to do the Electroconvulsive Therapy, as it was my fault because I gave up medication, to stimulate the secretion of serotonin, to balance my mood…

After spending four years undergoing such therapy, I had to escape from that situation and went to live in the country with a friend by going to a private psychiatrist who eliminated torture, only medication.

They say it almost does not affect memory, which has no side effects. But I do not agree since I have great gaps of those years, as if I had erased it. I do not remember almost anything … something that saddens me a lot! But hey, now it’s water under the bridge and you have to look forward.

Marta Díez